I come from a God loving household. As a child, chanting became my daily ritual. Praying was naturally inculcated in my being. And waiting in line for gods to eat the laddoo that was offered on special occasions, became a norm. And although I followed everything religiously, I never understood why my family followed several rituals. Why were my parents strict about procedure. Why did I have to wake up by 8.30am latest even on a Sunday, shower, pray and eat…

But being an absolute non-rebel and a very docile and obedient child, I never questioned a thing. Happy or not, I did what was expected of me. Feeling grateful wasn’t part of the equation.

However, my mother has always been a proponent of contentment. She has always asked me to be happy with what I have. Easier said than done. When times are good, feeling content comes naturally. But when nothing goes your way, rather when you experience a loss of any kind, you feel neither content nor grateful. I spent the last couple of years experiencing several losses – health, job, certainty, peace…

I remember starting off feeling really grouchy with complains, comparisions and blaming everyone including God for all that was going downhill. Spewing anger, and fuelled by rage, I experienced a severely challenged faith and a period of utter distress.

Then, at some point, I sat myself down, wraped my head around the situation and began to think about all that was happening. I chalked out a plan. I figured what was in my control and what wasn’t. Here are some things I decided to do on a daily basis in order to help myself from letting anger and disappointments get the better of me.

Daily to-do:

1. Journal your emotions and experiences with the intention to release anything toxic.
2. Listen to uplifting podcasts – spiritual, business, insipring at least once a day. Especially, while doing mandatory household chores that otherwise spiral me into a negative pit.
3. Focus on one hobby that brings me pure joy, without any other expectation.
4. Enjoy some physical exercise
5. Chant – there are so many Sanskrit shlokas that are tough. Especially because I never learned the language before.
6. Say a gratitude prayer for every single blessing I have in life.

As I began, every single activity on the list would help me feel better. But when you have made whining and toxicity a part of your routine, following every single item on the list becomes the tricky part. Luckily, when you do have even a couple of loved ones around who consistently spell out the need for something positive, it acts as a force multiplier.

I spent the first six months struggling. I went from listening to a podcast a day to 3 podcasts per day. I went from learning to chant a very long Sanskrit prayer from zero knowledge of even a single line to learning the whole 29 verses. It took more than a year. I went from eating all I could to removing the emotional quotient out of the equation of food consumption. I started some exercises to build stamina. I started writing more often. It is the one activity that has always brought me joy. It has always helped me relieve stress.

And as I struggled but chose not to give up, I was able to add one new activity every now and then. After six months, life situation did not change much. But my personal narrative saw an immense shift. Another six months and I found myself praying with gratitude, even for the toughest of times and darkest of hours.

I started feeling positive and content with who I am and where I stand. Often heard cliches like you are exactly where you are meant to me started to make sense.

And that’s when I had my eureka moment. My upbringing with rules and discipline came to my rescue when I had no choice but to follow my to-do list. My parents’ value system about prayers helped me to not sway in the direction of addictions or self harm. Instead, the will to focus helped me learn a really long prayer in a language I had never studied. The list goes on and on.

Where I stand today, I am almost at the end of completing a Diploma in Digital Marketing. My debut fiction novel is ready for release. And I blame nobody and no situation for where I stand. Today, as I pray, my prayer is filled with gratitude. For it is the gods, the people around and the upbringing I received that have given me the strength to face any adversity and emerge stronger.

P.S. I believe I was meant to be here. Am I grateful? Is that even a question? So here is the thing. If you are struggle to keep afloat, know this is part of a bigger plan. If you have complains about anything or anyone, write them down and let them go. If you feel dissatisfied, ignore that chattering mind and indulge yourself into something difficult, something that will force you to focus a thousand percent. Try coming up with your own list to beat the negatives. And keep at it. One day at a time. The results are magical.