Ever kept a count of the the number of times you feel angry in a day?
What does it tell you about yourself?
Do you realise the behaviour you put on display when you feel angry?
Have you ever labelled yourself as an angry person?

Well, well, well, these are questions I have pondered over and over again.
And here are some observations:

My understanding of anger : When people and / or situations do not pan put as expected, rather behave in a way that do not align with your ideologies but in fact clash with them, the feeling or emotion that shows up is anger.

And while some anger may be good, not every kind of anger is. Here are a some reasons that give birth to anger:

1. When your children disobey you or argue with you, it is the anger from ego.
2. When your spouse goes against your wish to do something they want to, when you have clearly stated how you feel, it is the anger from betrayal.
3. When a close friend / family member lies to you, it is anger from broken trust.
4. When strangers act mindlessly like delivery guys riding past you at great speeds, ignoring any pedestrian safety or people cutting queue or simplest of things like people in a group talking over you when you are still in the middle of a sentence, it is anger from disregard.
5. When you are unable to perform as expected or unable to purchase things that are beyond your means, it is anger from not feeling good enough.

The list can get as long as you like. But is this anger helping you? That is the million dollar question. And so, here are some tools I turn to when I feel anger in any form:

Know  your anger avatar:

1. Missile launcher – Is your anger quick to rise and fall with the speed and intensity of a missile? Do you end up hurting maximum number of people with harsh words in that tiny window?
2. Festive fireworks – Are you like the fireworks that take place from time to time after putting up with people in a passive aggressive way for long periods of time? Eg: On the new year, during a family reunion, etc.
3. Volcano – Are you like the dormant volcano that erupts once in a few years, but without any warning? Especially, when people think you are hollow and empty?

Look for Symptoms and solutions:

1. Awareness: They say ignorance is bliss. I’d say, awareness is. It is the key to solving all problems in life. So, am I aware I am angry? What is my anger avatar? How do I react when I feel angry? Am I not being myself ? Am I passive aggressive, in a yelling mode on, or misusing my authority?
2. Acknowledge: I accept that the mercury in my head has shot up. And I must get to the root cause in order to calm myself down.
3. Question: I usually question myself – Is this coming from strangers or people close to me? How much does it matter? Do I live with these people on a daily basis? Or do I have to face them occasionally?
4. Possible Solutions:
   a. Reasoning it out – What if I were told I have only 24 hours to live? Will this anger still persist? Will I write a diary and carry it along to heaven / hell and bribe Yamraj into teaching these people a lesson? The clear answer is NO. I would rather spend those 24 hours in the company of loved ones, offering love and gratitude for every good memory. I would rather eat all my favourite food, dress to my best and spend the day having fun. Does anger have any place in this plan? If not, why waste any energy allowing it to cause harm to my body, my mood and my relationships?
   b. Distractions: Ever tried going for a run, a swim, to the gym or sweating it out with your favourite workout? The happy hormones released win hands down against anger. Journaling or talking to a friend also offer good support.
   c. Letting go: Practicing the art of letting go is the best antidote to anger. The more you engage in yoga, meditation, chanting and mindfulness and forgiveness, the lesser time you spend getting angry. The lower your expectations, the better your mood. Isn’t that great?

It is impossible not to feel angry. But how long the anger stays within your body and more so, mind, determines the quality of your life, health and relationships. The more time you spend noting down other people’s faults, the lower you droop your energy. And you end up attracting more anger. It is a viscious circle. Choice is yours to make.

P.S. With consistent practice, you will notice a big shift in the way you deal with this emotion. I have. Let me know your thoughts.