Some mornings I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. And everything feels wrong. Self-doubt creeps in from the window and decides to spend the morning with me. And self-critic chooses to do an appraisal on my upcoming book. You can only imagine, having Monday morning blues on a Tuesday instead.

I tell both self-doubt and criticism, mornings are laden with high priority activities and we can do this later during the day. They leave me for a couple of hours. But just like Bank loan recovery agents, the dirty duo show up at my door the minute I am done and dusted with my morning chores. This time, I choose not to throw them under the rug. I choose to deal with them head on. I sit each of them down and check individually only to realise, it is a healthy part of life to doubt if you are in the right direction. Especially, when the stakes are high. Like big investments, career change, milestones in the lives of your children, etc.

Self-criticism is a friend in disguise too. Each time I become complacent, a little voice in my head appears. When it comes to my book, this little friend grills me time and again. Intimidating as it may seem, self-criticism it is the best action one can take when it comes to creative pursuits or even entrepreneurship. One where you have no accountability. Where nobody  is paying you. It is your dream. Your baby. Chances are, if the critique within is left unrestrained, you may end up judging yourself so harshly, your work may not see the light of the day. Balance is the key.

And no matter how well doubt and criticism regulate you, when left uncheked, they come accompanied with panic and anxiety. But today morning is my day. I decide to man up. I rope in the better half. He decides to man up too. He ropes in piping hot Aloo Parathas, Masala Chai and garma-garam Jalebi into the conversation.

And lo and behold, a few wise words and some validation from the better half, the comfort feel from the Aloo paratha and the right amount of dopamine from Jalebi and Chai later, I feel I have the arms and ammunition to tackle my debt recovery agents. I am able to figure the missing links in my book that have led to doubt. And I conclude they can be polished with some editing. I feel assured I am moving in the right direction.

Back home, as I sit down to work in my balcony, a wasp flies inside my chimes hanging overhead, with a leaf as large as itself. As it enters in, I find it fascinating and my curiosity gets the better of me. I shake the chimes to drive it out. After a few shakes, the wasp gets evicted, leaving behind it’s legacy that drops on the table in front of me – a palace created with leaves. I am stunned. At both, the design it has created and the re-work it will have to put in, in order to create another one. I also feel sad for the loss I have caused it, in ignorance. But the lesson learnt is beyond words. When you consistently work at something, a beautiful masterpiece can emerge. Do we even know what we are capable of?

P.S. Feelings of self-doubt and criticism are best taken at face value and dealt with upfront. When given the right amount of importance, they have the ability help one make better decisions as compared to those taken in haste or over-confidence. If you have any tips or tricks to deal with these two tricksters too, I am all ears.