Have you ever come across the ‘my way or highway’ category? We all have. These are micro-level dictators that exist in huge numbers across the globe. You can spot them in family, among friends, colleagues, they are practically everywhere. And they are bloody popular. It is impossible to have your way unless you are either charming, or a good friend or a person with good intentions or simply put, somebody in an advantageous position. These are also people who know how to play others. Politics is a likely career choice where they can thrive. Instead, they waste all their talent on not so discreet family and friends.

If you have ever been in a relationship where you were the more easygoing person and gave more importance to the relationship than yourself, you have done yourself a disservice. Let me quote a hypothetical example. Assume you are the younger sibling. And your older sibling is the dominating one. She treats you like a puppet. But then, you always cave in because you want to play with her. You love her. You feel less powerful. You are younger. You need validation from her. And you are a softy. But she always uses your mushy heart to her benefit. You lose all battles each time you choose not to play the obedient sister. By the time you grow up, your sister has mastered the art of playing not just you but plenty others.

Sounds familiar? Sometimes, people who are soft hearted end up paying a huge price for letting go, for forgiving and for showing understanding. However, awareness is a beautiful friend. Once you understand that you are being taken for granted, it is your moral responsibility to let the other person know you care for yourself more than anyone else in the world. And it was your choice to let them win. It becomes crucial to stop pleasing such narcissists and act firm. It is important to let them know you are an individual too. And you choose yourself over them.

Traits you are a victim of being soft hearted:

1. People take you for granted
2. You are usually the one who sacrifices
3. People don’t think twice before stepping on your toes
4. You come across as needy, people pleaser at the cost of a heartache or even big hearted. Either way, you have proved time and again, you are ready to bend.

How to identify the my way or highway personality

1. They believe they are always right.
2. They have popular opinion on their side although they may not always be morally or ethically right
3. They are good influencers
4. They are helpful too.
5. They only go ahead when their own plan wins the popular vote.

Relationships where you feel you have little choice to speak your mind:

1. Spouse
2. Sibling
3. Best friend
4. Child
5. Child’s best friend and their family
6. Boss

It is pertinent to note that these people aren’t essentially bad. They were unfortunate they never faced much opposition, or kept leaving those who opposed them and created their own fan club. However, they are always hellbent their agenda is the best and most important in the world.

How does this one-sided relationship impact you ?

1. You hardly ever feel heard
2. You are always looking for validation because of their position of authority in your life.
3. You easily give in because of the greater good.
4. You believe they must to be a part of your life.

How are you actually feeling on the inside?

1. Unloved
2. Unheard
3. Craving for external validation
4. Rejected
5. Abandoned, if you do not agree with them.

However, every dark cloud has a silver lining. And this relationship, let’s feel free to call it toxic, is giving you your greatest opportunity of life – self love and claiming your power back!

It is important to understand that people who are dominating, have better EQ and are driven to push their agenda. They are doing perfectly well for themselves. They do not aim to sabotage your self esteem or you. They are selfish enough to think only about their happiness.

You, on the other hand are the perfect recruit. You emerge as the puppet they always wanted because you are the giver in the relationship. You go on and on until years later, you realise your happiness never mattered. Your emotional needs are never met. And the one thing you failed to realise is this – they were busy living their life. It was never about you. What you experienced and felt was a result of your perceptions and not standing up for yourself .

How do you free yourself from this toxicity:

1. Once you become aware, journal your experiences, feelings and needs
2. If you face anger, acknowledge it, accept it, express it and stop blaming yourself for the anger or pain. Don’t be in a rush to forgive. Learn to release the anger instead.
3. Understand your journey in the relationship and when things started to go wrong.
4. Come up with a plan to help break your patterns that are not serving you. If you are unable to do it yourself, seek help.
5. Stop looking for love and validation on the outside. You are perfect the way you are. Affirmations, meditations, friends who uplift you and exercises are the antidote to low self-esteem.
6. Start respecting your own opinions and do not agree to any actions especially when you feel you do not agree with them on an issue. Stay firm on your choices without disrespecting them. Stand up for yourself.
7. And last but not the least, show them you have always loved them but you are worthy of the same amount of love and respect in reciprocity. Be prepared to stand up for yourself even if you think you are all alone on your team.

P.S. Loving your self takes courage. Standing up for yourself after a long period of giving in, or being in a toxic relationship, is difficult. But losing your confidence or self-esteem in the process of fitting in, finding validation or even love are pitfalls you wish to avoid. If you find yourself in the pit, tell yourself this is your ticket to transformation. You are your best cheerleader. Have faith, the universe loves you. And you are your best bet to improve your self-esteem and open the eyes of your friend /family who has been trampling all over you, unaware of the harm they have caused you. What are you waiting for, take the first step. Choose to be your own best friend.