No matter how good a parent you think you are, your children are going to find faults in your ways. No matter how modern you think your thinking is, and no matter how best you think you have been parenting your kids, they are going to feel some clashes just the way you and I felt with ours.

Feeling hurt due to perceptions about oneself as well as about others is a normal thing. But suffering in silence is definitely not the way to go. Growing up, I came from a very vocal family. We would speak up in we disagreed with something. We would also speak up when we agreed or meant to appreciate something. And although, being so direct may not be an asset in the outside world, it should be a non negotiable in a family setting.

Communication is the key to happy living or so I believe. Although, the meaning of communication is debatable. We might think, verbalising what we think and feel is communication. Think again. When we are able to articulate our thoughts and feelings in a way that other person understands and interprets them the way we wish, that would be communication. It is the how we talk that matters most.

Generally, any sugar coating of ideas is inversely proportional to age. The older we grow, the lesser we think about other people’s opinion of us. Unfortunately, that is also the time when our kids enter their teens and are most susceptible to feeling hurt when their ideas are shot down or unaccepted. Been there, done that? This situation presents with a big opportunity to learn.

While teens need validation, agreeing with every thought or idea they present is simply impossible. Not because we are right and they are wrong. Instead, plenty of times we as adults have become set in our ways and we end up speaking before thinking. Our reactions can have repurcussions we haven’t thought about. The learning is this – Take every conversation with a pinch of salt. Don’t be ready to tell teens we are always right. If your teens communicate, consider yourself lucky. And instead of shooting them down, pause. Give them the space to speak their feelings, thoughts, opinions and plans. This method can have the positive side effect of building trust. Next, be preapred to speak to them in a language they understand. It is crucial to treat them like adults since they are metamorphosing into adults.

Every communication results into feelings. As a teen, If you ever felt misunderstood by your family or felt different from the rest and never found that space where you could pour your heart out, take the onus of creating that safety net for your teen. Share with them what your predicaments were, back in the day. Help them understand that this is a period of exploring one’s identity. Communicate!

P.S. We had a really long chat at dinner today. It was fun to hear the girls’ view on geo politics, feminism, books, fashion and everything under the sun. It took a gecko in the balcony to move after it thought it had heard thme long enough to shake the living daylights off my deeply focused soul.