Me!

When I started following The Art of Living guided meditations many years ago, one of them was titled – The Journey Within. I am surprised how long it has taken me just to understand the underlined meaning of the title. A whole decade. And then began the journey of isolation. Because one can go within only in the absence of noise. And for noise to fade, either you have been on a quest to find deeper meaning of existence or you need to be pushed. Just like some people enjoy skydiving while others wish to experience the thrill, but need a push.

When I think about 2020, not only did the year shove me indoors, it did that to the whole world. Little did I realize, this would mark the beginning of my journey of going within. With a tough one year where all of us survived by sanitizing our hands and groceries, something in life began to shift.

It took me another couple of years to understand that life was slicing off excess baggage – that of attachments, ideologies and superficial experiences. And with each loss of people, work and meaning, I found myself at rock bottom. But as life sliced and diced the unimportant, it also planted the seeds of extraordinary. It introduced me to myself. Through books, through podcasts, through exercise and meditation. All those rocks of disappointment that I had been carrying for years, began to break, one rock at a time. Was it painful?

Absolutely. But unless you break into inner darkness with the torch of awareness, there is no feeling light. Pun intended. Unless you break free on the inside and understand the jail you have so painstakingly carved for yourself, there is no growing, only groaning. Over the past few years, I experienced all sorts of loss. And I started by asking, “Why me?”

And each time, the universe found a way to answer. It helped me crack open a wound and heal it, with knowledge, with courage and with contentment. As this process continued, I faced my deepest emotions. I met my darkest fears. I had to say goodbye to relationships I thought held merit. And each experience broke me a little. But eventually, it opened my eyes to facts I had been pushing under the rug for lifetimes.

Facing the ultimate truth about our existence and about our beliefs and behaviors can be a bit much to take. And meeting your raw self may not always meet your perfectly manicured expectations. However, with regular practice of mindfulness and meditation, courage becomes your prime currency. And you realize, you, me and every other person alive is the same at their core – loving and happy.

It is the societal conditioning and false ideas of happiness and status that run the lives of most people. Ultimately, we go through lifetimes, circumventing the truth about our existence, living in unawareness and fear, chasing what we think might be the solution to finding a happily ever after. And the truth couldn’t be more different.

P.S. If anything, I have been working on the most important person in my life – me! Because there is only one of it in the entire universe. And there is nothing more important than understanding the difference between living unconsciously in this superficial world versus living consciously in the same world with awareness and choosing the life we ought to.