Lately, we have been looking for some furniture pieces for the house. If you know me even a teensy bit, you know how wild my imagination can run. So after a wild goose chase in Singapore and on insta, my heart sinks – all the creative stuff is available only in India!

That’s when a friend recommends a certain person who customizes furniture in Singapore. I am thrilled. We visit his showroom the same evening. Turns out, the man and his partner, I am assuming his wife, could give Marwari businessmen a huge complex with their customization options and services that pamper clients. They have good quality stuff, are priced to compete and are humble too. Does that give them an edge?

After deciding on starting with one piece of furniture, we are ready to leave. Although, we have liked other items, experience has taught us to take life one day at a time and shopping one item at a time. But the lady there thinks we aren’t amused enough. She brings to our notice their wood carving speciality. We are impressed by their craftsmanship. But it is hilarious people can get their family names carved on the backrest of a wooden chair.

I cannot be civil about this. I laugh openly. It reminds me of carving on stainless steel utensils people in India gifted as wedding presents decades ago. The minute I mention this point, the woman has a sparkle in her eyes. She decides I may have the capacity to take more. She goes on to show me name plates, serving trays and an array of articles I would never imagine carving anybody’s name on. And finally, when we are about to leave, she brings out her phone and displays their greatest treasure by far.

Make a wild guess. Coffin? Nope. Bedframe? Nope. Main door? No, no no…

She shows us the picture of a toilet stool. One, people use in front of the hot seat in order to replicate the good old Indian squatting system, albeit in a sassy way. So the idea is to sit on a regular toilet bowl but use this high stool to induce pressure in the right places for smooth passage. Okay, I have shaky hands typing this description as I am unable to stop giggling.

So coming back to the stool. It is an ultra expensive teak wood stool that has a name carving. The name belongs to a newly wedded couple. The carving looks fancy. It includes the name of the couple along with their wedding date. And I know god is in the details. But I am sure this stool is an exception. One look at the hand carving and you can tell how brilliant the artist must be to copy the carving to match the font from the wedding card!

The stool is an ambassador for design thinking. It is custom built in a way that the tall husband and his very short wife can flip it around and use the same piece to aid with their business. If you haven’t died of laughter yet, it is a wedding gift from a sister to her brother!

There is no way in hell I can contain my laughter. I laugh so hard, I have tears in my eyes. All of us are laughing. I wonder what kind of thoughts do people entertain? Who gives such a repugnant gift for a wedding? It sounds like some kind of a cruel joke. A stool to pass stool? And who do the couple think about daily when in their most private moments? Is that prized possession taken into account while drafting the prenup? I mean what a personal gift? Who owns it? The brother or his wife?

My mind runs wild trying to create these three people in my imagination based on the description I hear. I wonder what kind of hatred the sister must hold for the brother and his wife. And then my heart goes out to the artist responsible for the carving. I cannot imagine anyone bestowed with the slightest amount of artistic acumen wasting their talent over other people’s shitty business. If this artist were to present a portfolio, what category would this go into? Fine art of dignity below the belt?

We finally leave the showroom in stitches. Each time I visit the washroom, I am going to be reminded of that carved stool. And I am going to stop it there. I do not mean to intrude in other people’s business.

P.S. If you ever feel life has been unfair, think of this sister who has managed to scar the lives of her brother, his wife and the artist, all in one go. Nothing can seem more cruel after that. I started my day looking for creativity. Something comparable to what I can find in India. Little did I know I would find the Kohinoor of creativity, right here in Singapore. So the next time you wish to punish someone, find someone who can customize it.