One thing I have seen consistently grow in my life, is confidence.

As a kindergartner, I remember dressing up as Lord Krishna for a fancy dress competition. My mother dressed me up just like the God, handed me a flute in hand, even bought me a fresh flower garland and sent me up on stage. My most vivid memory from the event – freezing on stage. I barely stood there for a couple of minutes, posing speechless. Of course, there was applause. Because isn’t that the best approach to fire confidence in anyone? Encouragement?

Well, encouragement is just one side of the coin. The other is taking action. While encouragement can help a person overcome fear and anxiety, taking action is the only thing that can reinforce the belief that, ‘I can do it’.

My parents and teachers knew better. So, they kept pushing me on stage every year. Whether it was acting, recitation, storytelling, singing, debate or even participating in inter-school projects, I was pushed in front of people over and over again without my permission. People – the species that scared me the most. I remember feeling a chill each time I stood on stage all by myself and looked into the eyes of the audience. I would feel my mouth go dry. Eventually, I did muster the courage to speak up. With every such forced participation, I noticed something change. From the 4 year old little Krishna who wouldn’t speak a syllable, to the grown woman who loves being on stage, has won multiple awards at public speaking from Toastmasters and simply enjoys people, taking action consistently is the only element that has helped boost my confidence.

The other thing that leads to confidence, that stems from encouragement is belief. We are born and raised with certain beliefs systems. Some are based on religion and race. Others on economic levels, success or otherwise of primary caregivers, other people’s verbalized opinions of us, social media reactions and our own perceptions, etc. Beliefs can make us confident when people show faith in us and consistently give us the message we can do it. Whether we have the skill or not. A belief comes from someone telling us with authority we are capable. But the converse is also true. And actually, detrimental.

The ultimate test of a belief system therefore rests with us and us alone. When one becomes aware a belief system isn’t serving them right, it can be a time of confusion. Eg: If you have been made to  believe all your life, that you aren’t smart or lucky, these beliefs may rule your very existence and create a veil of resistance towards other, more positive ones that possibly have the power to help to achieve something you consistently fail at. As a result, your confidence is rock bottom too.

But when you reach a stage when you feel tired of losing, and you realise you need to change a wrong  belief you may have been carrying with you all your life, it is time to bring about a change. Because beliefs are more deep rooted than we think. They are like refugees in our subconscious. As a result, we end up defining ourselves as finite individuals over a period of time. Things like I am outspoken, sensitive, sporty, dorky, angry, calm and so on and so forth are shields we have created for ourselves. At the subconscious level, we have mastered the art of living in the confines of our publicly proclaimed limitations.

But what if you realise, these verdicts don’t have to stand the test of time? What if we find ourselves clinging to a wrong set of definitions? What if we wanted to change but feel we are hardwired to eat more, to weigh more or to fail at certain aspects of life? And what if we realise we can be all we want just by making a shift in our belief system?

But breaking a belief is harder than you think. It takes repetition and consistent action. When experts ask us to practice 10,000 hours to ace at something, they are simply asking us to re-wire our beliefs. They are asking us to stay consistent with a set of new actions that have the ability to shift the results. To re-write history. To ultimately evolve. And does that make us more confident? Confident that change is the only constant? That we have the power to become who we want to be? Hell yes!

P.S. It is all so intertwined how we live and grow. And how confidence helps us win better and winning make us more confident. But at the core of our confidence are beliefs and encouragements. Our beliefs are like opportunists. They change when the results of our actions help us win. But they also stop us from growing and instil a fear when we lose. Staying confident comes with belief. And the only way to change your belief is by taking consistent action. I have been constantly working on myself over the past few years. And it is only recently that I see change. Have you ever tried changing a belief system? Have you been successful?